I want to briefly share a member-missionary experience that I just had where I used the principle of decoupling.

I am currently obtaining my MBA from Duke University, and I had been praying to share the gospel in any way I could. I thought often about an international student from South Korea that I had become close with, but I felt that I lacked the “tools” to proactively do something about my feelings and thoughts as a member missionary. I even ordered a Korean Book of Mormon, but it continued to sit on my nightstand as I didn’t know necessarily how to bring it up or when the right moment would be.

I decided to read The Power of Everyday Missionaries which provided hundreds of ideas for me to use in my member missionary efforts. One piece of advice particularly struck me as being very helpful in my situation. There is a practical tip of “Decoupling” – in other words, separating your relationship with the person from the invitation to learn more about the church. The simple phrases in the book gave me exactly what I needed to approach my friend.

On Good Friday I scheduled a very informal lunch with my friend as we had not caught up during our rigorous school schedule. We talked about our traditions of celebrating Easter, and I said to my friend, “I would like to ask you a question. But, before I do, we need to agree that our friendship won’t be affected if you decide that this isn’t of interest to you. Okay?” (This was the decoupling part.) My friend assured me that it would be alright. Then I said, “As you know I am a member of the LDS Church. And, for a while I have had a sense that there are a few aspects about the Church that might be of interest to you. So, for Easter, I purchased a copy of the Book of Mormon in Korean for you, and I wanted to know if you’d accept my gift to you.”

My friend was very excited about the kind gesture. He even promised me that he would read one page a day. He asked some basic questions, and I explained how the Book of Mormon complemented the Bible in doctrine but was a history of a people in the Americas. It was a wonderful experience, and I know that it was the simple tool that I learned in Everyday Missionaries that armed me with the courage and confidence to share the gospel, even and especially, in my very busy and fast-paced student life.

I hope this small story encourages everyone to do some introspection on how we can better become everyday missionaries.

-Ian M. Durham, NC