We Cannot Predict & Should Not Judge
Some people say missionary work is manipulative, and we believe that is because they have been taught incorrectly. Building a friendship is not a prerequisite to inviting people to learn about the gospel. The only way all people can have the opportunity to choose or reject the gospel of Jesus Christ is for us, without judgment, to invite them to follow the Savior. We need not and should not alter our relationships with others in order to invite them to be taught by missionaries.
At a few times in our lives we wrote lists names of people we wanted to share the gospel with. We thought we could judge and therefore excluded from our efforts to share many people whose lifestyle, habits or appearance made them seem unlikely candidates. As we reflect upon those who have joined the Church, however, few of them would have been on our list of “likely members” when they first encountered the Church.
We simply cannot know in advance who will and will not be interested in learning about the Church.
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I love the Emerson quote that President Grant often said. It can easily be applied to member missionary work as well! “That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do—not that the nature of the thing is changed, but that our power to do is increased.”
You’ve probably have had an overwhelming response already. But if you need anyone to assist in translating to Portuguese, I am interested. I served in Brazil several years ago but keep Portuguese fresh through work, gospel study, and Brazilian restaurant visits!
Dustin, thank you! I’ll send you a message. We do have an immediate need for Portuguese translators.
Nat, I am so grateful for the message and timely reminder of this video. Last Sunday, our ward council fasted to prepare ourselves to discuss in our upcoming meeting how we can accelerate the hastening of the work in our ward. After watching this video, I now how have a better perspective of how we should focus our efforts … in developing our DESIRE and ON-GOING COMMITMENT to live as better member missionaries, not just how to develop a good, short-term program. Thank you!
Don’t we always make quick judgments on what people are like?
My experience recently was not related to me specifically in sharing the gospel, but was related to missionary work in general. I attended a gospel essentials (missionary) class at church while visiting another ward. The man who seemed to take charge rubbed me the wrong way in his mannerisms and communication. Without going into much detail, my thoughts were something like, “this guy must be the ward mission leader, who probably does not perform at the level that he likes to represent.”
I later found my judgment was dead wrong. He was indeed performing his calling well, and as a visitor, I misread him and his style. I found from another source he is doing extremely well as a missionary and a leader.
There is much success resulting from his efforts, and he’s a very loyal and dedicated missionary. We need to shed our preconceptions, don’t we?
Steve thanks for your willingness to be openly honest about your automatic reactions! It is normal for us as human beings to make snap judgments and assumptions. I don’t think there’s anything we can do to stop our brains from functioning the way that they do, but what we can do is exactly what you did. You suspended your automatic judgments and went and asked what was actually happening.
The point of the “We cannot predict…” principle is it a declaration that when we speak and act, we will choose in alignment, not with our interpretations, but with our commitments and covenants; to share the love of God, redemption through Christ and the opportunity of the Restoration.
Hello —
I have a question. How would you respond to a member who says the following:
“I have a few people I’d love to invite to meet with the missionaries. But the elders who are assigned to our ward seem the complete wrong fit to teach my friends. I want to have faith that God will make up for the missionaries seemingly awkward ways, weak testimonies, awful interpersonal skills, or lack of enthusiasm — but it is really hard to trust my friends with these missionaries.”
I would love some feedback on this particular issue.
Thank you so much for you time and for all you are doing to assist members in sharing the gospel!
Sincerely,
Lara B.
Lara! You’re welcome and thank you so much for being a part of our community.
Your question is such a good one because the concern you referred to is one many people I’ve met have had … at least once 🙂 Including myself! So I totally get the experience of anyone who expresses this concern.
That your friend has this concern demonstrates a few great things: they love their friends; they want them to be taken care of. And they love God and Jesus Christ; they want people to have positive experiences with Them, about Them and in the context of Their church.
First — What do you think you could do in that situation? What would you say? What do you think is really going on?
Second — I really invite you to pause before reading further and jot down your own thoughts before reading mine. And I’d love for you to share them with me because you probably see something in those questions that I don’t see. And that’s exactly why I asked!
Third — I do see something and I want to share what I see not only for you but for whoever lands on this page with the same question you asked. So here goes.
I’m going to start by making an assertion. I don’t have proof for what I’m going to say, and I’m not saying it like it is the only possible way that things are. My assertion is informed by my own experiences and conversations with others who have said similar things.
Here is my assertion: the source of your friend’s concern is an unwillingness to be responsible. And wrapped up in that choice is a fear of rejection and failure.
Follow this if you will:
“I’m afraid my friends will not embrace the Restored Gospel when I share it with them. And rejection would just be so devastating to me — I don’t want that in my life.
“I better ensure that I reduce or eliminate the possibility of failure so that I don’t have to experience it.
“What would cause failure? Who is responsible for whether my friends embrace the gospel or not? Wait a minute! I won’t even be the one teaching … it’s the people who teach my friends who are responsible! Teaching lessons isn’t my job!”
You follow?
My assertion is that our “natural man”-ness and the wiring of our mortal brains predictably leads us (and I mean all humans in any outcome-oriented scenario) to:
-First, be consumed by fear and the prospect of failure.
-Second, seek ways to avoid it.
-Third, make someone or something else responsible for failure so that in the event of failure, we have an out … “it’s not my fault!”
I’m not saying your friend is utterly unwilling to be responsible in all aspects of his or her life.
What I am saying is that with regard sharing the gospel, your friend has drawn a line at: “I will be responsible… until I’m at risk for being rejected or having to do anything more than show up at the lessons and cheer when things go well.” If your friend were dominated by love for others, he or she might be asking you, “How can I most effectively support the full-time missionaries to teach powerfully and with the Spirit?” or “How can I prepare my friends so well for lessons with the full-time missionaries that literally the ‘worst’ missionaries on the planet could teach them and they would still be listening and looking for the Spirit in the lesson and be moved by it?” He or she might even say to the missionaries, “I have friends that I would like you to teach, and I have concerns about how that would go. When you visit my home, I notice you don’t follow the conversation that is happening. When I have asked you questions, I received responses that answered a question other than the one I asked, and I don’t know if you realized that because you didn’t say, ‘I’m going to answer a different question.’ When my friends sit in a lesson, they will likely share things about themselves and ask questions, and it’s important to me that they have the experience of being heard and that they get answers to the questions they are asking. Will you be my partner with that, ensuring my friends have the experience of being heard and receive satisfactory answers for the questions they ask? Can we work together to be sure that happens? What do you think? What is it like for you when people ask you questions?”
Those statements are not, I get it, “normal” statements to make or questions to ask. They really put whoever is speaking on the line. And what they do is show great love for the missionaries and for the friend. No one is left out of the love being expressed. The statements are full of great love — because they are honest and direct. That’s what we say is God’s way of sharing the gospel: loving, honest and direct. Which means we are loving, honest and direct with everyone about all aspects of missionary work.
Just to get a taste of the possible difference being responsible (and loving, honest and direct) would make, consider what might happen after your friend makes a declaration like this: “I am going to be 100% responsible for how sharing the gospel with my friends goes.” The following are actions that I think are consistent which such a declaration:
-Call the full-time missionaries and co-create with them the entire experience of the lesson days or weeks before it begins.
-Ask friends before the lesson, “Thank you for agreeing to meet with my church’s missionaries. I really want your first meeting to be as valuable for you as possible. Why did you say yes to meet with them? What are you looking for? What do you want to get from the lesson? What do you want with regard to your spirituality?”
-Tell friends before the lesson, “Thank you so much for saying yes to my invitation. Who you’ll meet are Elder/Sister So-and-So and So-and-So. They are 18 and 19 years old. It may seem weird to you at first to be taught about things so very important from two young people who, at first glance, look like they walked out of a college town. They are not professional teachers and they may not be flawless in their presentation, but they did choose to put everything else in their life on hold and make themselves available to help people, just like you, find answers to questions about God. They have received a call from a prophet of God to do this, and if you listen to them as humble messengers from God, rather than as potentially immature teenagers, you’ll have an amazing experience.”
-Be open and willing for anything to happen before, during or after the lesson and take the lead on talking with the friend after the lesson about his or her experience — allowing them the space to share frankly how the lesson went for them without shutting them down or invalidating what actually happened for them.
-Related to the above: be willing to correct, complete and resolve anything that went awry, was left incomplete or unresolved for the friend in the lesson.
These actions demonstrate in a real way to both the missionaries and to the person being taught that you love and value them enough to make time for the experience and to take an active role in how it goes.
My bottom line:
When I want to share the gospel — and when that for me is an honest desire — absolutely nothing is an obstacle worth putting in the way of doing that. And whenever anything seems to me to be an obstacle already in the way, I ask myself, “Am I looking at this situation from God’s point of view?” And, “Where am I, at this moment, unwilling to be loving, honest and direct?” I always spot something!
Lara, what do you think? Is this helpful? Do you see how you can handle similar situations in the future? What will you say?
Because you came and asked for feedback, I know you are not interested in hearing pleasantries but rather are committed to being someone who grows the Kingdom and is unstoppable in spreading your love and God’s love. Awesome!
And if any of this lands for you as anything other than totally supportive, loving, instructive, helpful please let me know! Those are my only intentions. If you experienced anything else, it’s been my failure in communication! And I will do whatever it takes to clean that up and have you receive the feedback you requested in a way that is uplifting and empowering.
Nat! Wow! That was an incredibly helpful response! Seriously it changed my paradigm on missionary lessons so much. Thanks for your suggestions about what the true problem might be and how to reframe it and take responsibility for progress and success. Very empowering!
Hi RaNae! Thank you 🙂
I think the issue is more a fear of misrepresenting The Church rather than fear of being rejected. I would suggest that there are many other ways you an share the gospel with your friends besides arranging for them to be taught by the missionaries who you don’t exactly think would win over your friends.
If we understand the principle of “not predicting” then we should not assume that our friends will respond to the awkwardness negatively.
A member who uses the excuse that the missionaries are the wrong fit for our friends will be more likely to use the same excuse no matter the ‘type’ of missionaries in your area.
There are so many ways we can invite people to come unto Christ. No excuse is worth keeping the joy of the gospel from enriching the lives of your friends and associates.
So in a way I see what Brother Christensen is saying about how getting desperate helps, because I saw that on my mission some and in life in general. But I feel sort of confused about how inviting is succeeding and yet in the end it seems that Brother Christensen felt that he would be failing if he broke his streak of always meeting dates to get somebody in his house, it still seems based on results. I feel really torn because I get what he is saying and I want it to work but we have tried and panicked and all that and received special blessings that I’m grateful for, but sometimes I wonder if there is a better way. Let me know if you have any thoughts. -Rees
Rees, isn’t that an interesting paradox?!? Obviously our charge is for every man that hath been warned to warn his neighbor; however, that doesn’t mean that we can’t feel devastated when rejection happens! Preach My Gospel teaches, “Elder Jeffrey R. Holland taught: ‘The first thing you will do when an investigator tells you he or she had not read and prayed about the Book of Mormon is be devastated! … Much of the time we are just too casual about all of this. This is eternal life. This is the salvation of the children of God. Eternity hangs in the balance. … It is the most important path this investigator will ever walk. But if he or she doesn’t know that, at least you do!'” This is Eternal Life! We should feel devastated when someone says no.
Have you read the Susan Fulcher Case Study? https://docs.google.com/file/d/0BywRGFLK2hcWcUNpZnlmSnNzcVk/edit?pli=1
One of the things Sister Fulcher teaches Jean and John Muir that sharing the Gospel is like handing out a $100 bill when you have an unlimited supply of them, some people reject it and you just think to yourself, “What is wrong with you! It’s a free $100 bill!” The principle that Brother Christensen is teaching is that once we are 100% truly, and completely invested in our commitment that’s when the Lord has trusted him. I saw this in my own life a few weeks ago. I had been casually praying for missionary opportunities, and nothing had happened with the nonmembers that surrounded me at work, but then one morning I fervently prayed for one, and boom my supervisor asked me and another RM what the whole deal with caffeine is about. I too just had my date pass, and I found someone two days before the date. The reason Brother Christensen felt like he would be failing is because he would be backing out of a commitment to God, it’s not based on results because we can’t control whether or not they keep meeting with the missionaries. By the sheer volume of invitations he extends, he’s going to find someone. Have you read Elder Ballard’s original “Set a Date” talk? https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1984/10/write-down-a-date?lang=eng
I regularly use Storyline to create interactive learning exercises for my Communication classes. My students find them very useful. I could contribute my current library and anything new that I develop also.
https://pdfebooks.us/3wol https://pdfebooks.us/3wol/